ellen foster

"I made her like a present to Jesus so maybe he would take her. Take this one I got prettied up and mark it down by my name to balance against the one I held back from you before. But I do not trust this newly dead one and when you look at her face you in your wisdom and seeing will know that her smile is a trick for you. But please take her anyway. And be sure I get the credit for it and if you can please show some way that you and me are even now. I do not think I want to go through this again. I know I told her she had her soul to worry over but I lied to her out of spite. I am the one who worries about souls and I do not want to know no Lord I just want to worry about my own self now and all the living I got to do. So you fix this little deal up for me and I will appreciate it. You just mark down how I tried this time and did not sleep to forget. This last one might already be standing at the gate. I do not know how long the trip takes. You might look at her and say old Ellen might have prettied her up but she still is too mean to be here. You might say that to yourself or to whoever puts the checks by the names. But Lord you have to remember how good the first one was and forgive her for leaving your world. My mama did not know what she was doing. She was too sad ti think straight. We get that down here. You just fix that up for me tf you will. And I will wait for a sign one way or the other that will show me how I am supposed to live.
So that is how I prayed in my mama's mama's room where I sat close so long by the curtains that hung heavy and blocked the light of everything that happened outside."

Ellen Foster, Kaye Gibbons